Teachers’ Pets: Introducing Felix

By Isabelle Polgar ‘21

When the beautiful pups Luci and Lola recommended Mrs. Gensel’s Felix as the next teacher’s pet I should interview, I was excited, but a little apprehensive. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the pup, although he was quite different then the previous pups I interviewed. While Luci and Lola are down to earth celebrities, Felix has an air of mystery. He loves playing people, saying his one message to students would be for them to “come meet me, and give me all of the treats!” 

Felix said being a dorm dog is perfect for him because he gets to hang out with the girls of Swetland every day. He also adores toys, carrying around a stuffed koala bear wherever he goes. His love of koalas is so extreme he has tried his best to become one: he loves to chill, sleep (he can sleep anywhere), and listen to indie music you’ve probably never heard. Also like koalas, he loves food, and he’s always racing to finish his fast as he can. In fact, he is the current school record holder for the society day pizza-eating contest, and he is always supplementing his diet with a large array of shoes. His love of koalas runs so deep that when I asked him what his spirit animal is, he responded with profound insight, saying that a koala is not only his spirit animal but also his soul animal. It seems we can all stand to learn from this wise dog.

 

Felix also gets along with almost every other animal. His best doggie friend is Achilles, and if you’re lucky you can spot them playing in his favorite place on campus: behind the SLRC. He also loves other animals, especially his brothers, two very chunky, very lazy, and very lovable guinea pigs; he’s always sticking his nose next to their cage to play with them. Felix is extremely smart; in fact, he’s almost too smart. He can get food out of any puzzle toy almost immediately and is very good at learning commands. His intelligence is so outstanding that he has decided his most likely job on campus would be as an AP Calculus teacher (watch out Mrs. Rickrode and Mrs. McGowan!). He is always observing, and if you stop paying attention for too long, he will find a way to get what he wants, which is usually your shoes.

Breaking through his air of mystery, I found some even more unexpected facts about him. He spends a large portion of his time on his windowsill, observing the campus. He also said if he could play any sport on campus it would be football because when he wants something, like a ball, he will take anything in his path out to get it. However, all of this leads me to the presence of the disconcerting facts of his intelligence, determination, and his alliance with all the girls of Swetland and the other campus pets. These, coupled with a statement from his mom, saying “you can tell when he’s plotting, there is a look in his eyes, almost like an evil mastermind”, bring to mind suspicious activity. With his need for shoes, food, and people to play with him, as well as an iron will, I ask, what is he plotting? And, what should we do about it? Also, if he really is an evil mastermind, how can we stop him? I don’t have any definitive answers, but I did learn the only two things that scare him: hairdryers and the iconic daughter of Ms. Traill and Mr. Fisher, Bea. She seems to be our only hope if Felix decides he wants to take over Sem or even the world. Maybe, one day soon (maybe even before the next edition of Teachers’ Pets), Bea armed with a hairdryer will be on a mission to save us all.